// Even the light is too dark.//

Recently, I was brought to knowledge the tragedy of a local 15 year old in my city. Her school was always my schools rivalry when I was in high school. I had always thought that once I left, I wouldn’t be associated to the drama between the schools anymore. Yet, somehow my connections kept bringing me back to this once love/hate relationship. 

I was heartbroken in the fact she took her own life. I (being the typical college student) set aside my nightly routine of homework, and decided to look up this girl on facebook. My personal connections seemed to be greatly affected by this loss, and for a while I had little remorse. I only knew of the negatives of this family, but it didn’t hit me about how immature, inconsiderate, and naive I was until I looked upon her picture.

She was absolutely Beautiful. 

My heart began to ache, and pain swept through me like I was being drowned in guilt. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad by the news, but once I realized who this involved, I was awestruck, broken, and I felt every heartbreak just by looking into her still-framed eyes. 

At that very moment, I wished I could have saved her. 

I read through the posts people had posted on her wall, about how they regret not knowing, and wish they could have stepped in. I felt for these people. All though I didn’t know her personally, I too, felt a little responsible for her death. This feeling has eaten me alive since. 

Many of the posts on her wall were of friends who announced their love to her. (How horrible the feeling. That feeling of being too late.) I saw many that had a negative feel to it as well. One stating that suicide is a sin, and continued on by telling her to rest in peace. I was enraged! Growing up in a Christian surrounding, I knew EXACTLY what this person was implying. She never asked for forgiveness before her life ended and is more or less likely in hell. This is a controversial topic. Do those that commit suicide go to hell?

I nearly wanted to call this person out on how cold-hearted their comment seemed. Then stating to her to rest in peace with God? A time like this does not scream for opinions, or your thoughts on how good of a person she was. The fact of the matter is she is dead, and very young at that. 

Many others talked about her being bullied. If they knew she was being bullied why did no one step in sooner? I was 15 once, and I remember spilling all of my heart to my friends. It amazes me that no one saw this. She wanted out so bad she could not even express it. She thought this was the option, and I blame this society ENTIRELY. This cruelty needs to be stopped, and adults need to become more aware in this. This is so sick in the fact people her age, made her feel worthless. 

I wish I could have been that stranger to approach her and tell her she has the world in her hands. Oh, the possibility that was within her! Then I remembered the golden rule I was always taught. In fact, this was almost whispered to me.

“This was all in MY plan.” 

 Those words kept tumbling in my head. This was all planned out. As horrific, gruesome, and terrible this was, she was made to inspire.

That is what she did to me. She inspired me, to be the most loving and kind person I can be. 

I tumbled this because, I haven’t been on here in ages, and wanted to mark this as the beginning of my inspirational story. She is the author, and I am the editor. She has inspired me to be the most loving person possible.

Never forget to tell those who matter to you that you love them. Be kind to everyone no matter how rude they are. This world has forgotten to stop, and show a smile. All it takes, is a kind word, and you could save an entire person’s life. 

That is what many of my friends did for me, and I refuse to let this happen to anyone of them. I refuse to let this happen to anyone. I devote myself to be there for others. To be there for anyone. I don’t even have to know them! But for some reason their life matters to me. 

The light is never to dark, if you can’t find it, have someone help you open your eyes, and see how much you truly matter. 

Devoted to Miss Anna Schiller. May your beauty shine within us all.

// Pity doesn’t exist.//

Have you ever had one of those days where everyone and their mother were pissing you off? Or when you just don’t seem to have any sympathy to give?

Tolerance is something that is needed to be worked on in not only my life but in many others. Yes, I know at time that I have my one pity parties, but come on! one that last for more that 4 hours??? It’s almost a conflict with pride and consideration. 

The word tolerance is defined as: a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one’s own.

So what about when your pride gets in the way? Well, then there is no tolerance present and won’t have any room to be present.  When someone is able to step down off their “soap box” and take it into a different perspective it is amazing how relationships grow. If there is no consideration (or tolerance) for the other person, then relationships are not able to grow.

I know what your thinking, “what does this have to do with pity?”

When you are feeling down, you want someone to approach you and ask you about your life even if you want to be alone. How can you approach someone who doesn’t want to be a part of your life? How can you fix any tension when tolerance is practically non-existent? 

the only thing you can do is try to keep your tolerance down and remember to take a step off your soap box when pity just doesn’t exist.